Gee! It's Saturday again! I feel so suicidal. Wonder if it's spiritual or emotional (?)

Grouchy & Grumpy Birthday Girl!

Today is OL's birthday. We've not been in touch for years! That's bcz she got angry with me for "attempting to share Christ with her" on my birthday! That year, she happily came over to "celebrate" for me & I expressed that I want God to bless her since she's so nice. She was offended & felt that I did not respect her faith. Said that both she & her hubby are staunch Buddhists so I should refrain from "sharing" Christianity with her. Sigh! Told her that if I don't talk about Jesus, I've got nothing to say. That's when she suggested that we have nothing to talk about anymore.. Haiz.. Sooooo sad :(

Sms'd & wished her HAPPY BIRTHDAY! She appeared "distant". Replied "monosyllabically". When asked if she's still angry, she said to "let things be".. Sigh.. What a BULL.. Stubborn like an ox & proud like a peacock. Blurrbb!

Helen wanted to wish her well too. She asked for her mobile number but when I asked OL, she said "NO" flatly. Wonder what's bothering her????

S*H*I*T

Jz the other day I was commenting about my present job. Told my darling niece via sms that "there's lots of shit"! Her reply was: "Wah! U say lots of shit ah! Then reali muz be lotsa shit lor! Haha!"

Never imagine that there'll be a day when I actually use this word cz I used to forbid her to use it. It's really 世界轮流转！哈哈哈！我也有今天。。。

Now Playing: 天地一沙鸥

<bgsound src="http://www.hddweb.com/68645/376829.wma" >
朋友先离开我 让我独立生活
世界一直在催我 隔着千山万水难回头
理想怎堪挥霍 希望一点一滴会落空
如果挣不出这团迷惑 怎能好好珍惜每一刻
如果不是心中还有梦 又能忍住多少痛
我会拼命飞过天地的尽头 看人间更辽阔
如果不是一生都有梦 又能努力飞多久
我会拼命追求生命的感动
让考验荣耀我 教会我

青涩已离开我 羽翼渐渐成熟
时间一直安慰我 我已获得完整的自由
青春不该挥霍 夕阳一点一滴会染红
如果拿得出一点收获 请你期待相见那一刻
如果不是心中还有梦 又能忍住多少痛
我会拼命飞过天地的尽头 看人间更辽阔
如果不是一生都有梦 又能努力飞多久
我会拼命追求生命的感动
让考验荣耀我 教会我

如果不是心中还有梦
又能忍住多少痛
我会拼命飞过天地的尽头
看人间更辽阔
如果不是一生都有梦
又能努力飞多久
我会拼命追求生命的感动
让考验荣耀我
教会我

Mixed Updates

1. You can see how depress I am.. Simply refuse to blog about anything now :(

2. So interesting. From my blog records, todate I've "accumulated" 777 blogs. Nice number?

3. Have yet to bring my mao mao to the vet for her review. Good thing she's quite a good girl. But looks like she's lost some weight. I can imagine how bad her blood sugar level is :(

4. Now "bochubb" in office. Take what comes. Come what may. Boss has been extremely patient of late. Haha.. Wonder when will her patience run out. Waiting for the day of her "explosion". Woahahahaha..

5. Ex-small boss delivered a baby boy as she had desired. Even named him the name she had wanted - Euan. Very happy for her :)

6. Ex-colleague's mother passed away 2-3 wks back but she didn't inform anyone. Sigh! Hope she's coping alright.

7. Heard that my ex-principal is retiring. Last day in school Oct 25. Deliberating on whether or not to pay her a visit.

8. Work is @#%$!*&$@#$@@!*&&..

9. Still very surprise that I can get up & get to office on time everyday. AMAZING!

10. Bad toothache since 1-2 wks back. Sometimes the pain is really excruciating. Dunno what to do with it :(

11. Still having my bad bad itch. Dunno if it's yeast infection. If so, it's really a long & stubborn one :(

12. On 6-mths probation leh.. No medical or dental claims!!!!

13. Think I've lost 3 kg since I started work till now. Though it's not a good sign, I'm rather happy with it. Those who know me know that usually when I'm stressed, I'll definitely put on weight. This round, think I've gotten more "normal". Hmmm.. Definitely not a good sign. Such reversed behaviours normally happen to those who are nearing their end. Hahahahaha...

14. Did not watch this year's Singapore Idol except a little of the finals. Hady Mirza is this year's SI. Well, he appears to be rather pleasant & cute.

15. Have not been going to church for a LONG LONG time. Wonder what'll happen to me!??? Sigh! Or should I say "Wonder what's happened to me!"

Saturday SMSes

Sept 9:
You are protected. No evil scheme can triumph over you (Isa 54:17). Evil cannot come near your dwelling place (Psalms 91).

Sept 16:
You are the Head & not beneath (Deu 28:13). You are blessed coming in & blessed going out (Deu 28:6).

Sept 23:
The joy of the Lord is your strength (Neh 8:10). Do not worry but commit everything to Him (Phi 4:6). Stand & see the Victory (Ex 14:13).

Melancholic

Think I'm experiencing bouts of depression again. This time it's really BAD. I'm actually rather worried for myself.

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Bye-ee..

Update on my Lan Lan

So far since her discharge, she's had 3 attacks (as far as I am aware of). Once on Sept 2 & twice on Sept 9. I've ran out on valium jabs for her & doc refused to prescribe more medication, unless I bring her in for a review, as this is a controlled drug. But I'd imagine that once I bring her back, she might be put through a series of tests again & that would cost me a bomb AGAIN! Did consider bringing her to a cheaper vet but also considered the inconvenience of a reassessment + the "unreliability" of some animal clinics :(

Perhaps will try & bring her in next wk. Get my darling niece to pay the bill for me. Hahaha.. Aiya, she's jz as broke lah! Didn't even get her pay last month. Hehe..

Meanwhile, poor Lan Lan has better not have anymore relapses. Her poor mummy is in great poverty. Any sponsors out there? I actually found one who sponsored me 10% the last time :)

Still deliberating whether or not to let her take steriods. Dunno if this is a wise decision.

She's practically my alarm clock now. Meows every morning around 7 am. Very loudly & pathetically. Actually sounds rather scary.. I think she feels hungry every morning at this time.. Of course then again it's my perception lah.

Threats :(

Met the 2 bosses at the lift lobby jz now. Reiterated my desire to tender.. Asked if I still need to give that 2 weeks' notice :) Imagine big boss actually said that if I were to resign, then "no more friendship" liao.. Walao.. Told her that's threatening lor!!!

@#!*&^%*#@@*!%#@

But knew as much she would come up with something like that!

Gan Bai Xia Feng..

I'm amazed that I've found the world's best taichi master.. in my present office. It's fascinating the way the strokes are being administered. Simply unmatchable! Bravo!!

Greetings.. to my blog :(

hihi.. have been absent from the scene for soooo long..

still in office now. can't imagine i'm spending so much time running ADQM. xiao liao..

spoke to boss this morning regarding my desire to leave the post.. & there she goes persuading me to stay on & give this a go.. haiya.. told her i might jz end up getting superduperhigh BP & end up with a stroke! obviously she didn't seem to be overly concerned for this worry of mine.

you know i'm that serious that i actually called the bank to ask if they'll reconsider taking me in & they say i can go back! cor blimey.. what more can one ask for!!! perhaps, money? hehehe-haiz..

woe is me.

After one week..

I feel like an adopted child more than anything.. Feel slighted :(

Simply don't understand how come these people when they go through a bad experience, they have to put you through the same bad experience too! It's so ridiculous lor!! I also don't understand why people can be so "selfish" & inconsiderate.

Sigh! That's human nature :(

C'est la vie!

Still contemplating..

Not that I have much of a choice but I'm still jz wondering if this job is suitable for me. Putting aside those software training sessions & client-servicing tasks, my concern is whether or not I can meet up with boss' expectations! I'd imagine it will be very stressful & not sure if I can put up with it. It wouldn't be worth it if eventually I end up getting even higher blood-pressure or worse still, a stroke! It's really $$$ vs my life lor.. But without money, I'll be very stressed too.. But without quality life, give me plenty of money also no use, right? Haiz..

Jz wondering if it's really that bad or am I jz scaring myself. Cz really if I want to back out now, NOW is the time. Any later I'll either be "slaughtered" or be blamed for "wasting" everybody's time. How leh?? Don't want to end up being the scapegoat man!! Never believe in lose-lose situations :(

so far so good.. but it's still "depressing"..

have not posted anything for past few days.. no mood..
not sure what's happening around me.. blur like sotong, as usual..
2nd day of work already double-up as "chauffeur" liao :(
sigh! story of my life..

Pastor's Saturday sms

"In Christ, you can overcome all things (Philippians 4:13) & overwhelming victory is yours (Romans 8:37). You are empowered for success."

"1st day at work"..

Sigh!

Somehow jz dun feel very excited about it :( Wanted to feel happier but dun think I was.

Del introduced the A-girls to me, thereafter gave me little bit of job "orientation". Then the M-girls bought me lunch at Pizza Hut. Sigh! Really no appetite. Those colleagues from 15th floor asked me how's things. Told them I'm seeing S*T*A*R*S, a constellation of them :(

Jz feel that this job really is an over-flowing platter.. Pay's low & load's heavy. Wonder if I've been "short-changed". Then again, I mz always count my blessings as such "opportunities" dun come by often. At my age, it's really amazing that someone still wants to shaft a full-time job down my throat. Jz wondering if I can really swallow it??? Woahahahahaha..

Didn't really do much in the office today except feeling "stressed". "No government".. Guess mz really try to change my mindset. Triple-sigh!

By the end of the day, when boss came back from her B-meeting, she asked me how was my 1st day at work. Told her it was DEPRESSING.

Guess she's shocked to hear this remark from me. Well, que sera sera..

既来之，则安之！Guess all my happiness jz flew out the window..